I want to be you when I grow up!

I am very quickly becoming a bit of a lot of a blogging addict. Not just writing, I'm somewhat shit at that bit, but reading and stalking other parenting blogs.

What I have realised by reading all these wonderful people's posts is that they are all who I want to be when I grow up!

That might seem ridiculous as I will soon be turning 30 and I have wrinkles on my boobs belly face, but I don't feel like a grown up.

I have 2 gorgeous babies who are not turning out to be total delinquents (yet, give it time) and a wonderful husband.. and a dog, and a cat and a mortgage.

I should feel like a grown up. According to the tax man I am a grown up. But I still look at others, sometimes younger, and think "Shit! They have really got it figured out!"

I have seen wonderful instructional posts about how to be a good blogger, about how I should find my niche and offer words of wisdom. Honestly, I don't have any. The only thing I can offer is my honesty. Is my parenting truth. About how I fuck up, don't have it figured out and don't really act like a grown up.

I have Funday Wednesdays, I do sit on my child and use comply or cry, I go to the toilet for the sole purpose of catching up on social media, and more often than not I put the kids to bed early so I can drink my wine!

 I am already a mummy and I am quickly learning how to be a good one not too shit one but I still don't yet feel like I could call myself a grown up!I admire those of who do, you are who I want to be when I grow up!

Second Baby Dilema number 208,765,356

How different babies can be. My first baby, my boy, didn't even really cry when he was born. As soon as he was handed to me he was quiet. Happy to be out in the world and taking it all in.

He came out perfect and happy and already totally at peace with who he was was and his surroundings. He slept though at 3 weeks and I don't thinks we heard him cry more than a couple of time in his first 4 months.

Our daughter on the other hand, entered the world kicking and screaming, not just like a normal cry, she sounded like a sodding velociraptor. It was quite something, to the point where my mum who was staying with us, after 4 of her own children, said she'd never heard anything like it.

I felt like a first time mummy all over again. Who was this little she-demon? I was accustomed to a baby that was fed and put in a crib or bouncy chair and just chilled out. A baby that actually cried to be put down.

Suddenly I had this little soul that needed constant cuddles and very little tolerance to being even a little bit hungry. It was terrifying. Especially since I already had an 18 month old that demanded my attention. Despite having been the most ridiculously easy baby is making up for it in spades as a toddler! He is like a little hurricane leaving mess and exhausted adults in his wake.

I have read so many times mothers writing that they have either neglected their first for the second or the baby for their older sibling and I can't decide which one I have done. I think I am guilty of both to be honest. I have had to let the baby cry while I cook the toddler his dinner but similarly his dinner has also had to wait while I have seen to his sister.

I have also, in the spirit of honesty, left both of them shouting while I sit on the loo with the door shut reading parenting blogs trying to make myself feel better about myself. I hope that anyone reading my blog sat on the toilet hiding from their children can take solace in the fact that they are not alone! X X

Firsts the second time around

The first firsts are so exciting, you watch with baited breath from the time your baby is born for them to have their first first.

My son's first first happened immediately, when he did his first poo as he was born, all over me, I mean it, I was covered. It was gross.

He then had a steady stream of firsts, his first smile at 2 weeks, his first tooth at 4 months his first steps at 13, and so on and so on up to now at 22 months when he told me he needed to wee for the first time and used the potty! very proud mummy moment.

But with my daughter I have had a bit of a parenting fail. Where I had been convinced every facial twitch with my son was a smile I have been cynical with my daughter, writing every grin off as gas until 6 weeks where she really did 100% definitely smile when she saw me. Perhaps she smiled before then, I don't know to be honest I couldn't tell.

And now this week she has rolled over! 18 weeks old, good for her! But I missed it. 3 times. My baby has rolled over 3 times and I have missed each one.

The first roll yesterday she had been on her play mat for hours, I went out of the room for a moment to get my son a glass of water and when I came back she was on her front with head propped up on her arms! I couldn't believe it, she looked so pleased with herself and I didn't see!

So, this morning, my son was in bed and she had my undivided attention, I wasn't going to miss it again, in fact this time I would film it, that would assuage the guilt! I sat with my phone pointed at her, pressing record every time she started to turn, (I have lots of short sections of her half way over), but nothing. I popped upstairs to grab something, must have literally been 30 seconds out of the room, and there she was, on her front! FFS! I missed it for the second time! well colour me a failure!

I shook it off like a pro! Had to get on with my day, my son woke up and I made him his lunch, I then made him an entirely different lunch, I read the Gruffalo (a zillion times), I ate his first lunch and we watched Toy Story again. Back on the play mat for the baby, lovely.

Something stank.

My son had pooed. Whipped him upstairs to deal with toxic mess in his nappy, back downstairs....ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME! There she was on her stomach.

I give up. I missed it, I missed the first, second and third time my daughter rolled over. I can't get that back, it's gone. The funny thing is, I can't actually remember when my son first rolled over any more, I don't remember how old he was or what else happened that day, I know I saw it, but I don't remember it. I missed this first the second time around but, and here's the funny thing, I bet I'll remember it!