Tuesday, 21 June 2016

Purple fanny

I am going to warn you now! Look away if you're squeamish!

The news this week has been just horrid and I think we are all in need of a laugh, so have one on me...

Now, you would think that after a decade that the mystery would have run out in a relationship. That you would be completely familiar with your partners body (especially if you have already seen a baby pop out of it!) That's what my husband thought too!

But no! No! Pregnancy the second time added a few new little gems in there.

I was sat on the sofa one morning, I was about 36 weeks, watching beebies with my husband and son (standard) when I looked down and noticed blood on my pyjamas.

Now I am sure that many of you will be only too aware of how frightening this would have been!

I ran upstairs to the toilet and had a check. It was weird, I had no pain in my bump and I could feel the baby moving. So I called my husband up in a bit of a tiz..

"You're going to have to just have a look!"

Dutifully he did as he was told.

"It's a bit angry down there!" He said frowning.

"What the fuck does that mean?" I snapped.

"Well, it's sort of swollen and purple!" I have never seen an expression quite like it.

"WTF?!?! Where is the blood coming from?"

"Well, it's gone sort of veiny...and I think one of them has popped!"

Oh the indignity! As if pregnancy isn't bad enough!!!

So I cried. Partly because I was very relieved it wasn't the baby but mostly because I had a purple fanny!

An angry, veiny purple fanny!

My husband was now roaring with laughter.

As I sobbed and had a small but quite spectacular tantrum at the sad state of my lady bits my husband told me to cheer up. Cheer up? How the fuck was I supposed to cheer up?

I had a purple fanny!

"Purplefanny.com is available! Shall I buy it for you?"

What. A. Wanker!

I would just like to add that my fanny has now returned (mostly) to its former glory and now it has pushed 2 babies out of it, it is no longer angry, just a bit sad!


  1. Hahahahaha! I can't say I ever looked but there are definitely changes whilst pregnant that can't be categorised as glamorous! Thanks for (over)sharing with #chucklemums :D

  2. Ha ha oh my goodness, I shouldn't laugh but deary me, that is funny. I'm glad your lady bits are pretty much normal again now...I'm not sure mine will ever quite be the same again to be honest!

    1. Beta mummy aren't you glad I don't illustrate! 😂😂😂

  3. Ya there is so much indignity involved in having babies. Nothing is sacred anymore. I'm glad it wasn't the baby coming early! And a bit of humor can lighten these slightly awkward situations so I say well done to your hubby. Glad all is well down there again lol Thanks so much for joining us at #BloggerClubUK x

  4. If we knew these things up front you'd never get pregnant! Maybe you should have sent a pic to a local school to prevent teen pregnancy??? :) #BloggerClubUK


  5. God, having babies is such a pain in the arse! Or fanny, as the Americans might say! Hahaha #chucklemums